Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
