So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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