Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
