I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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