We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
