My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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