I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
