i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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