I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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