apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is Oprah even human
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
