You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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