i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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