we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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