Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
