She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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