I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
