Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
