New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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