something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
