you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
