literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
