I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When are your genitals available?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
