I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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