i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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