You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
