That's when you crack a 10am beer
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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