I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize