Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
