Screwed.edu
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
