im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
