The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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