Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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