Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
