the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
