just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
