I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
