if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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