I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
