1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
