Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
