Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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