GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
