my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize