chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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