Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
