Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
