Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
