If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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