She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
