it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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