Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wear drunk well.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
