Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
