im drinking this country out of the recession.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize