Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
