No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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