He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
