I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
