I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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