Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
