Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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