The maid of honor just puked.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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