Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
