even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's official drugs can't kill me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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