I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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