I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
