She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
