If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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