Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
birth control should be required to get into college
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
