never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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