Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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